New Year, Come Home (Part 1)
If you don’t want to read the spoiler of “Us and Them” in this post, watch the movie first.
New Year, Come Home
(translated from 过年, 回家 / author 刘若英)
Ah Zhi:
It has been a long time since I wrote — let me write with a pen still. In our youth, we would see each other every day, yet write and mail letters to one another daily. Those seem like such distant and innocent days.
It’s New Year again, but this year, I won’t be returning home with you. I am getting married. Thank you for all these years. Regardless of our relationship, you have steadfastly taken me back home for New Year — our promise made under the grand old tree back home.
Thank you for being so faithful all these years, too bad I have to break it now.
In closing, wishing your family health, joy, and happiness.
PS. I hear your wife is pregnant – please send her my regards. Congratulations.Shu Fang
Shu Fang:Such joy to receive your letter, especially a handwritten one.
Though I am surprised by your sudden good news, it’s great that at last you have found someone to rely on. I wonder who that blessed person is. Regretfully it’s not me who could finally provide you with happiness…
In fact, it’s time I face my Dad after our charade all these years. I should let him know how his son’s life is really going. It’s been such a long time since my postal service days, or driving that little car, and even owning my own house now…
Don’t worry! I can take care of the situation properly.
Wishing you and your new family blessings of joy.
PS. Who told you about my wife expecting? Ha, she is two months pregnant already.Ah Zhi
After the exchange of these two simple letters, Ah Zhi brought his new wife to his home village, Mei Nong, near Kaohsiung.
Finishing high-school, Ah Zhi and Shu Fang had left home together to attend university in Taipei. The two were already a “set” in senior high. As her parents had died soon after her birth, Shu Fang was left under her uncle’s care. After junior high, Shu Fang went to strike a living on her own. When her uncle died, Shu Fang had no relatives left.
Mei Nong was a very small village. Walking from one end to the other would only take an hour. On the day that Ah Zhi and Shu Fang left home, Ah Zhi’s dad saw them off at the railway station. With their hands in his, the grey-haired father said, “Look after each other. Come home for New Year.” Thereafter, Ah Zhi and Shu Fang graduated, then found jobs in Taipei. Despite eventually breaking up, the two still got together to return home every New Year.
A wandering son far from home knows there is one duty when returning home — to report “all is well.” For but a brief time each year, putting up a show wouldn’t be so hard. Spilling out all the details would simply create more worries. Besides, how could one truly explain urban minds and the fast pace of change of city life? Ah Zhi had found a job with the postal service, one that his dad would have considered “secure as an iron rice bowl.” Yet a few years later, Ah Zhi quit that to go into business, even venturing to the Mainland while having various girlfriends over that time. Still, once New Year arrived, Ah Zhi would ask his old postal service colleagues to get him souvenirs for home. And his dad would always wait for half an hour at the station, waiting attentively for Ah Zhi and Shu Fang’s return.
One year after their break-up, Shu Fang had suggested not going home with Ah Zhi. But Ah Zhi pleaded, “Please don’t. I have no other girlfriend, and you have nowhere else better to go. Let’s just go home and pretend for two days, let them see us for a bit, so Dad can have his peace of mind!” What began as a “harmless” lie became an annual act that became harder and harder to come off-stage. Ridiculous absurdities create impossible dilemmas.
Shu Fang always felt gratitude for Ah Zhi’s dad, who would consistently write to her in Taipei and send her much home-grown fruit from the village. Although his eyesight became poorer as the years passed, Ah Zhi’s dad would persistently stand at the train station to greet the couple every year. On the road home, he would hold Shu Fang’s hands and ask, “Has Ah Zhi mistreated you? If so, let me know. You, my daughter-in-law, are our broken family’s blessing…” Shu Fang would never become that person, but his words in her ears always gave her special warmth.
Soon, ten years passed. Ah Zhi had married a few years ago. When his real wife became pregnant, Shu Fang decided to send him the handwritten letter. So Ah Zhi finally had to bring his own wife home for New Year.
Along the way, Ah Zhi’s mind was especially unsettled. What he should have confessed ten years ago had become an even heavier burden. Would Dad be more angry or hurt with pain? What if he rejected them? Ah Zhi’s newly married wife was also complaining, “People warned me a long time ago not to marry any Southerner. Every year, a good time of rest at New Year is wasted on crowded roads…next year, I won’t be returning with you…next year, our young baby will not be able to tolerate all this travel.” Suddenly Ah Zhi loudly yelled back, “Please be quiet. This road is unavoidable, inescapable, even if you don’t want it you must be willing!!”
The train always arrived at the station in the evening. Likewise, Ah Zhi’s father would always wait at the same place. The differences this year were his dark eyeglasses and reliance on holding a cane. Even before Ah Zhi could speak, his father held the young woman’s hand and said, “Shu Fang, the travel must have been onerous. Dad brought you washed golden tomatoes. Eat it first – it is good for your health.” With that, he dismantled Ah Zhi’s well-rehearsed speech and explanation. Ah Zhi’s wife didn’t how to react either. It was clear the white-haired man could no longer see.
Ah Zhi’s father then walked home holding the hands of his daughter-in-law… On the third day of the visit, Ah Zhi became more vocal. His voice became louder. His wife continued playing the role of Shu Fang, trying her best not to speak. Ah Zhi’s dad never spoke about his poor eyesight or lack of hearing. He just chose to live in his own world.
One year after this, Ah Zhi’s father passed away. The funeral followed his instructions of decorations of white daisies grown on the hills in front of his home, just as when his wife died. All his lifelong friends and neighbours came to say good-bye. Ah Zhi, with his wife by his side, dressed in black and holding his new son in her arms, received the condolences. Then Shu Fang entered and bowed three times on her knees.
After the ceremonies, one of the neighbours stopped Shu Fang as she was about to leave, and said, “Two months ago, Ah Zhi’s father wrote a letter to you after his doctor’s visit, making sure I’d give it to you.” Shu Fang went to read the letter under the grand old tree where she spent her childhood playing with Ah Zhi, the same place where Ah Zhi’s dad would often call them home for dinner:
Finishing high-school, Ah Zhi and Shu Fang had left home together to attend university in Taipei. The two were already a “set” in senior high. As her parents had died soon after her birth, Shu Fang was left under her uncle’s care. After junior high, Shu Fang went to strike a living on her own. When her uncle died, Shu Fang had no relatives left.
Mei Nong was a very small village. Walking from one end to the other would only take an hour. On the day that Ah Zhi and Shu Fang left home, Ah Zhi’s dad saw them off at the railway station. With their hands in his, the grey-haired father said, “Look after each other. Come home for New Year.” Thereafter, Ah Zhi and Shu Fang graduated, then found jobs in Taipei. Despite eventually breaking up, the two still got together to return home every New Year.
A wandering son far from home knows there is one duty when returning home — to report “all is well.” For but a brief time each year, putting up a show wouldn’t be so hard. Spilling out all the details would simply create more worries. Besides, how could one truly explain urban minds and the fast pace of change of city life? Ah Zhi had found a job with the postal service, one that his dad would have considered “secure as an iron rice bowl.” Yet a few years later, Ah Zhi quit that to go into business, even venturing to the Mainland while having various girlfriends over that time. Still, once New Year arrived, Ah Zhi would ask his old postal service colleagues to get him souvenirs for home. And his dad would always wait for half an hour at the station, waiting attentively for Ah Zhi and Shu Fang’s return.
One year after their break-up, Shu Fang had suggested not going home with Ah Zhi. But Ah Zhi pleaded, “Please don’t. I have no other girlfriend, and you have nowhere else better to go. Let’s just go home and pretend for two days, let them see us for a bit, so Dad can have his peace of mind!” What began as a “harmless” lie became an annual act that became harder and harder to come off-stage. Ridiculous absurdities create impossible dilemmas.
Shu Fang always felt gratitude for Ah Zhi’s dad, who would consistently write to her in Taipei and send her much home-grown fruit from the village. Although his eyesight became poorer as the years passed, Ah Zhi’s dad would persistently stand at the train station to greet the couple every year. On the road home, he would hold Shu Fang’s hands and ask, “Has Ah Zhi mistreated you? If so, let me know. You, my daughter-in-law, are our broken family’s blessing…” Shu Fang would never become that person, but his words in her ears always gave her special warmth.
Soon, ten years passed. Ah Zhi had married a few years ago. When his real wife became pregnant, Shu Fang decided to send him the handwritten letter. So Ah Zhi finally had to bring his own wife home for New Year.
Along the way, Ah Zhi’s mind was especially unsettled. What he should have confessed ten years ago had become an even heavier burden. Would Dad be more angry or hurt with pain? What if he rejected them? Ah Zhi’s newly married wife was also complaining, “People warned me a long time ago not to marry any Southerner. Every year, a good time of rest at New Year is wasted on crowded roads…next year, I won’t be returning with you…next year, our young baby will not be able to tolerate all this travel.” Suddenly Ah Zhi loudly yelled back, “Please be quiet. This road is unavoidable, inescapable, even if you don’t want it you must be willing!!”
The train always arrived at the station in the evening. Likewise, Ah Zhi’s father would always wait at the same place. The differences this year were his dark eyeglasses and reliance on holding a cane. Even before Ah Zhi could speak, his father held the young woman’s hand and said, “Shu Fang, the travel must have been onerous. Dad brought you washed golden tomatoes. Eat it first – it is good for your health.” With that, he dismantled Ah Zhi’s well-rehearsed speech and explanation. Ah Zhi’s wife didn’t how to react either. It was clear the white-haired man could no longer see.
Ah Zhi’s father then walked home holding the hands of his daughter-in-law… On the third day of the visit, Ah Zhi became more vocal. His voice became louder. His wife continued playing the role of Shu Fang, trying her best not to speak. Ah Zhi’s dad never spoke about his poor eyesight or lack of hearing. He just chose to live in his own world.
One year after this, Ah Zhi’s father passed away. The funeral followed his instructions of decorations of white daisies grown on the hills in front of his home, just as when his wife died. All his lifelong friends and neighbours came to say good-bye. Ah Zhi, with his wife by his side, dressed in black and holding his new son in her arms, received the condolences. Then Shu Fang entered and bowed three times on her knees.
After the ceremonies, one of the neighbours stopped Shu Fang as she was about to leave, and said, “Two months ago, Ah Zhi’s father wrote a letter to you after his doctor’s visit, making sure I’d give it to you.” Shu Fang went to read the letter under the grand old tree where she spent her childhood playing with Ah Zhi, the same place where Ah Zhi’s dad would often call them home for dinner:
Dear Shu Fang:When you read this letter, I will be gone already. But no matter – Dad will be watching over you.
At the station this year, I thought I was holding your hands, but found out they weren’t yours. My eyes could no longer see, my ears did not hear, but my heart and my smell could sense. All these years, Ah Zhi wanted me to have peace of mind, so he never said anything. This time at last, I fooled him with my “ignorance.” I wanted to tell you both that as a parent, I have only one request and hope for my children — to see you healthy and happy. Work success, or who to marry, are not important. Just live well, and I would be content.
Two years ago, I tried to ask my neighbour Mrs. Zhu to contact you, but she said you had gone to work in the States. How is everything? I wanted to send you something, but I had no mailing address. I never thought that the next time we would “meet” would be under these circumstances, but I knew once I passed, you’d come back. So I hand-made a paper umbrella unlike any you can buy on the streets. It’s next to my bed – remember to take it with you. This umbrella will last even twenty years.
Gossipy Zhu Mama was worried because you are still not married. I, however, feel that everyone should choose their own lifestyle. As long as you feel peace…that is completely fine.
Remember, come home for New Year if you have time. All of us will always be your family.
Dad
If you enjoyed this story, and have not yet watched the movie, you may still enjoy Us and Them even if you know the ending. How may this story relate to my life, our lives? Before I share my reflections, read the parable of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15:11-32 of the Bible. See you at my next post.
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