Possibilities of Love
Are you more likely to have expectations or being open to possibilities? Why is that difference important?
Just as communication suffers from premature closure of observations before feelings, interpretation and judgment take over, we need to prolong our attitudes of curiosity and exploration of possibilities before coming to expectations.
In Emotional Chaos to Clarity, author Phillip Moffatt explains that expectations are future and end-oriented. They are contingent on hidden assumptions, hoping for specific results. Options are narrowed; pressure is increased. Expectations foster rigidity and create reactive impulses toward likelihoods of meeting those expectations.
In possibilities, curiosity of the present is greater. Being more open to potential courses, we are prompted to pay more attention as events unfold. Desires can be changed with time, or bring realization that a different, unforeseen future can bring unexpected greater joy. Possibilities are requests, less as demands. In this process, imagination and intuition play greater roles.
Seeking possibilities is to respond rather than to react. Being open rather than narrowed in anticipation would also produce less disappointment, hurt, or anger in the course of an unexpected outcome.
Parenting is one of the most important areas highlighting this difference. It’s never too late to learn, and I pray that God will grant me grace to practice this lesson. The mind resists uncertainties. Current experiences are interpreted based on memories, from which the mind create new stories of “what’s happening now” with concordant emotions. The past creates expectations of the future, from the previous to the next generation. Our parents and our childhood impact what we expect from our children—even as we vow to be different.
A song written for Sally Yip expresses Sally's love for her stepson. The title “爱的可能” means "love's possibilities," but ideas of potentials, capabilities, and opportunities came to my mind as I played with the possibilities. I enjoy not only the song’s melody, but the lyrics' sentiments are similar to my own with my children. May my poem inspired by this song be helpful for your own reflections.
你出現我身邊像個奇蹟發生
沒想到會是你讓我如此失魂
我心中的感覺是這樣陌生
快樂的牽掛在相聚的每一分
曾以為我見過所有愛的可能
這一刻才明瞭我有多麼天真
想給你全世界 一刻我都不願等
想要你的心卻怕不能成真
因為你有你的人生我有我的旅程
在前方還有等著你的人
你會哭會笑會愛會傷神 你會不會敲我的門
雖然你對我的認真我也感動萬分
你終究不是屬於我的人
但記得在你孤單的時候 我會伸出雙手
我會是你朋友到永久
Possibilities of LoveOn a wintery day, you arrived,Our wondrous miracle of loveTopsy-turvy turned our lives;Didn’t we read to be ready enough?We could, we would and should, we thoughtOur world to give, our world for youNo time to waste, so much to do‘Til you taught us love is caught, not taughtUnexpectedly unpreparedUnused first-time capabilitiesUnplanned unseen possibilitiesOpportunities of love unsharedAs our journeys apart we takeYou have your path and life anewAhead someone will wait for youMore love’s possibilities to makeBut if you miss us now and thenWe are here and will always beTo new loving possibilitiesOur doors opened, forever friends
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